oh the disappointments .
so i was at the mall this morning with my sister for black friday.
I passed by Abercrombie and Fitch and decided to see if my "friend" Jeremy was working.
I know in the past he's been busy and hasn't really had the chance to return my calls or hang out.
But I was greatly hurt when i had come in only to be greated by "hey im kinda busy right now. but hey, can you do me a favor and get me an energy drink?"

...


of course. because that's what friends are for, right?

right?
jeremy?

oh sorry, you're busy and tired.
i just wanted to say hi though.
talk to you later?

probably not.

i wanna keep singing,
but i'm afraid you're not listening.
what's the point of lifting my voice,
if all i'll get back is my own echo?

more love songs to you;
i love you,
my love.
love more, my songs to you.

homie, you better believe I will drop your ass.

"you know there's otha fish in the sea, that is."
                                   -- "Otha Fish" Pharcyde

I don't know why I keep fucking updating this xanga.

it's not in my nature to give up,
but you don't understand how much I want to give up.

WHY DO I KEEP CHASING?!
WHY CAN'T I JUST LEARN TO CHILL?!


fuck my life.
seriously.

How does it make any sense to cry because of the lack of something,
when in reality I actually have it?
I should be happy,
but I am scared.
It's be almost a whole year...
I feel like I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

It was around 1PM when I had gotten out of Church.  As I was walking to my car, a man had approached me with a cardboard sign in one hand and a baby in a stroller in the other.  The man claimed to have lost his job and had 3 kids at home to take care of.  As much pity as had for the poor guy, I also had my doubts.  How ironic was it that he was trying to ask me, from the goodness of my heart, to give him money RIGHT AFTER mass?  And even though looks shouldn't matter, he didn't seem to be all that struggling, which is why I continued to walk right past him.


In the car, i kept thinking about it.
In my faith, I've always been taught to give alms to the poor, or in other words "Help a brotha out".  But for some reason, this time didn't seem right.

When is the right time to reach for that spare change?  How can you tell if people are forreal, or just trying to scam you?

1)    I love your smile.
2)    I love you cause you fit perfectly in my arms.
3)    I love you cause we both love BNP.
4)    I love you cause we help each other grow.
5)    I love you cause even after almost a year and a half… I STILL get butterflies when I see you J
6)    I love you cause you’re so weird and crazy and different that I love it o.O
7)    I love you cause… You’re funny in your own weird way haha.
8)    I love you cause we both love anime and I finally have a cool girl to talk geeky/nerdy with hahah.
9)    I love you cause you’re not like any other girl and I have to think of crazy different ways to make you happy.
10)    I love you cause you have a nice style.
11)    I love you cause you’re willing to move to NY for me… Crazy animal.
12)    I love you cause you’re a nerd and I’m a geek and nerds and geeks get along super well.
13)    I love you cause I love the feeling of making people happy, but when I make you happy, it’s like the greatest thing in the world.
14)    I love you cause of our stupid ass insiders rooby-roo.
15)    I love you cause even if we’re not perfect, we’re perfect for each other. Awwww. Yeayeayea.
16)    I love you cause you don’t love me for my sexy good looks, or baller-ness, but you love me for me and sometimes, I need that boost you give me even if you don’t know it :D
17)    And lastly, I love you because you mean the world to mean, and MNI meant for it to be like that. And now I’m in a relationship with two of the biggest loves in my life. LOVE YOU!

I don't really get it.
I mean,
if you say "we're going to the beach",
then I assume that we're really
going to the beach.
So i try to dress accordingly;
flipflops, female beach trunks, old cut up basketball shirt..
leisure clothes.
things you wouldn't mind getting all sandy & wet.
But for other people beach clothes is like,
dark denim, fashion tops, and $200 sneakers.
Now, either you're really ballin', or you just wanna show off.

Same goes for basketball.
If invite you to come over to play basketball,
how are you gonna show up in some low cut shirt & stilettos?

And my mom thinks I don't dress accordingly. PHEH.

I think I may be falling for you,
droppin' so quickly.
Maybe I should keep this to myself."
 - Colbie Caillat


;]

so i dyed my hair back to black and I feel super Asian again.

aaaaaand 20th anniversary in Ohio really helped me get some lost graces that I never thought I would ever get back.

Let's keep at it!

in the middle of night,
when no one is listening,
 i pull out my guitar, slowly strum it,
and sing sweet lullabies to my pillow
only hoping that some angel
will send you all my loving.

i hope you have sweet dreams, my love.

as i slowly drift away..